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Choosing Resilience as a Way of Life

Updated: Oct 22, 2023

Life moves through cycles and there are always parts of the cycle that are difficult. We each have struggles and hard spots to move through as we grow. Sometimes these difficulties cause us pain and suffering or even lead to trauma in our system that can all create disconnection. We may even become so disconnected that we get stuck in a particular undesirable part of the cycle and do not move through it on to the more pleasurable parts that keep us in balance.

We may become disconnected in various relationships including the one with ourselves, our body, our work, our purpose, or the important people in different areas of our lives.

Resilience is the ability to return to what once was after something creates a disconnection. It is about remembering who you are and who you have been all along. There is healing in this shift back to connection and with that comes growth. You carry forward what you learn in one cycle of life onto the next.

Our ability to choose resilience rests on the awareness we have of when we are disconnected from our truth in some area of ourselves. Without awareness we can not find the places where we may need to be more resilient and to choose differently for healing our self. Building up our awareness is a skill and it can be a challenge to cultivate this skill when we are in one of the more painful parts of these cycles due to the fact that it hurts to focus in on the issues. This can feed into becoming stuck rather than resilient. Increasing our awareness is a key first step in healing and involves being in the present moment whether it is a desirable experience or not. The present moment is the only place you have the ability to choose something different and transition back to a healthier, happier experience of your life.

We will all go through these cycles and the process of healing. Your body, mind and spirit were all created to heal, this is something you have inside of you. Self-healing is a choice and no other person knows better than you what it is you uniquely need most to return the wholeness of you. Part of the power in a choice is that you also can choose to stay stuck. You are just as empowered to pick either option; healing or suffering. Just because you are capable of self healing does not mean you will choose to do so. For many that do want to heal it can be difficult to start down that path because they chose to turn in that direction at a point when they were so disconnected and lost from themselves they struggle to see which direction to go.

There is a saying that "A healer is not someone you go to for healing, but someone who triggers your own ability to heal yourself." I absolutely believe in this and have lived it in my own life experience as well as seen this process play out with so many others in my professional and personal life. It is the basic truth of what self-healing means. This is also why working with a coach, teacher or healer can help you get started on the new path when you are too lost and depleted to begin the journey on your own. Self healing means you have the answers and the map but that doesn't mean you are supposed to go alone, and having a guide along the way can be a wise and kind choice for yourself.

There is also a high level of empowerment that takes place when we heal ourselves. We take our power back in these moments when we may have started to feel victimised, disconnected and burned out by instead choosing resilience. You were this powerful all along in your life but the process of moving back to the place where you feel empowered can be confronting as well as confidence building. It will require you to rebalance your own mind, body and spirit in all areas of your life. It is in the reconnection of these places within ourselves that we can then begin to reconnect in relationship to our work, our loved ones and our place in the world.

Our work in the world ties strongly into our purpose or what it is we serve in life. This plays directly into the question of "why am I here?" If we are merely working as part of the machine or a cog in the system instead of serving or living our purpose we can become severely depleted and burned out in life. Reconnecting to the place in our self that feels alive and passionate about what we "do" in the world is also a choice of resilience.

Re-establishing connection in our relationships can bring a high level of pleasure and richness to our lives. The relationships we have with other people are typically found to be the most rewarding areas of our life. They can also be the most complex to navigate disconnection because we do not fully control this connection and there is a totally unique individual with different traits and needs playing a significant role in this aspect of life. There is a deeper more complex level of skills required to be able to fully hold ourselves and connect to another in relationship.

I have been on all of these journeys at various times, I've lost myself, I have been severely burned out in my career, I've struggled in various relationships through my life and I have have come back to myself and healed in these areas many times. I have sought wise counsel from others, from those who walked these paths before me. I have devoured books and podcasts, seen therapists, coaches and hired consultants. I have found mentors and teachers. And I will always continue to do so, I believe in surrounding myself with the wisdom of others, and that my journey in life is greatly enhanced when I am connected to others who can see me clearly rather than struggling on my own and lost in my shadows.

There is a point on the journey where you start to see how far you have come, you can look backward at the lessons, the various ups and downs or cycles and patterns that you have traversed and you find the golden nuggets and skills on the journey. No longer a novice bumbling through these places, but one who holds certain levels of mastery now. This is the place where the call to begin teaching, coaching and serving others begins. It is in healing ourselves that we become one who can trigger the healing of others. I am still on the path, I always will be because this is who I am as a healer. I will continue facing myself and choosing resilience but now I am finding the deep joy in connecting to others and coaching them on this path too.

As I come upon more and more people who choose to live a life of resilience and watch how this choice leads them in healing, I get to be a guide. I now offer the wise counsel so many have given me and I witness the self healing that each client experiences as they return to themselves. This work is the most rewarding I have ever been a part of in my life and I am glad I chose it. You can choose it too, and if anything in this article resonates with you I invite you to reach out and connect with me to see if I maybe a good fit to guide you in resilience.

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Unknown member
Jan 07, 2022

You hit the nail on the head! Living IN the moment, and having an attitude of gratitude. Thank you so much for sharing this sweet lady. You have such a good heart, I am grateful that I am able to call you my colleague and my friend!

— Amber Barnard

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