Grief.
We all grieve, no one’s getting out of this life without touching grief. Sometimes it’s a person, a dream, a goal, plans, and sometimes it’s a pet. Sometimes it includes death other times it’s just loss.
I said good-bye to this beautiful baby yesterday. My Sasha princess kitty. We’ve been doing life together since I was 15. Before I could drive, graduated high school, went to college, got married, bought a house, got divorced, went to grad school, moved to a state without knowing anyone, we have been through ups and downs. Exciting growth and painful loss. My entire adult life has included her. Everyday she loved me. And everyday I loved her.
This picture shows a part of me I want to hide from the world, the part I feel ashamed of at times and thought of as weak or unpleasant. This shows the tender, soft, innocent, vulnerable place in me that loved and accepted love unconditionally. I’d often rather people saw me as happy, smiling, strong, and capable. But I’m both I’m strong but I’m tender.
I love this picture because I can see so much love in it. I can see where I’ve learned to grieve well. Not stuff it, not push it away but really go all in on it and feel. And so I’m sharing this part of me and touching on the place where so many people feel they need to hide that part of themselves so they look happy and they are being good. “Don’t be messy, or have too many feelings. Be logical and presentable.” And especially where it’s hard to talk about how much you could love your pet, I hear so many patients and friends talk about this loss as if it needs to be secret in some way and I’m taking full permission to say it’s breaking my heart.
I’ve grieved a lot of losses this past week but this one is the one that I want to share. I miss her, I love her and I’m grateful we had 20 years together. I’m grateful I can see how beautiful this picture is now too, instead of hiding it. I see my essence and a depth of love here and accept this part of me as well even while it’s hurting and messy.
Written December 16th, 2021
The above was written at a time I was experiencing grief on many fronts of my life. Losing my beloved pet was the deepest and most tender. I have again found myself in a season of grief and I am reminded of all the times before I felt this sensation. This particular feeling always takes me deeper into myself and who I am at my core. Grief is a letting go and a clearing out even when it is tender and raw, there is no way to feel the incredible pain of grief without witnessing the equally powerful love and joy that accompanied it. This is part of the experience we all have in feeling both parts.
As I move through life I learn to grieve better and better, each pass through the cycle I find more of myself and learn how to make it through with a bit more grace and compassion. I also have learned to let it be seen, and that I have permission to be messy in this place, which has made all the difference. Grief has a soft, vulnerability to it that is sacred almost and to let it be shared with others is one of the most valuable life skills I have acquired in recent years. It is a life experience that we will all share. We will all die and we will all grieve losses. These experiences fascinate me; the ones that run through all of humanity. Truly connecting each and every one of us in some way.
If you are interested in connecting with me for 1:1 coaching, I offer sessions to work with various emotions and the experiences one may have with them.