A Year of Holding What Was VALUABLE

Lauren Starnes
Jan 1
5 min read

October 1st: A Turning Point

October 1st of this year, I made some big declarations.

I chose to make changes to my life and to how I closed out the final quarter of 2025.

Many of these remain prayers between me and God.

Others I’ve spent time refining with friends, family, and wise counsel in my life.

One Year Since Everything Changed

The beginning of October 2025 also marked one year since some of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through.

Grief, losses, and challenging trials I never saw coming.

Being stretched to hold many intense things simultaneously.

Not one or two massive life events, but many all at once—hurricanes, flooding, not having a home, nights in ERs, ICUs, and hospitals, alongside multiple other private things none of us ever plan to walk through.

Even now, I can hardly believe how many of those “other things” showed up.

I know it all arrived at once for a reason.

Supported — and Alone

I am forever grateful to the people in my life who were there for me—going above and beyond.

I could never have made it through without each of you.

And there were also so many parts I walked through entirely alone.

That combination—being deeply supported and ultimately alone in the holding—was the exact mix that grew me into so much more of myself.

Holding What Was Never Mine

So many days I woke up with the same thought:

God, I don’t know how to do this.

I don’t know how to get through this day and hold all of this again.

I’m empty.

I’m beyond exhausted.

I don’t know where to turn.

And yet, I did it.

I carried many things day after day, week after week, then month after month—so many of which were never mine to hold.

What was mine was holding my values.

I let what I knew was most precious to me—and the woman I chose to show up as—be the compass that guided me through.

I discerned what was most valuable and went all in on backing that through every challenge and trial.

Knowing My Capacity

Sometimes we doubt what we can carry and whether we have what it takes. I don’t have those doubts anymore.

I know.

I know what I’m capable of.

I know my capacity.

I kept going by protecting what was most valuable.

Even on the days I felt more emptiness and aloneness than ever before, there was still something inside of me that knew how to keep going.

Living Without Regret

I don’t have any regrets.

That is one of the greatest gifts I’ve realized recently—to be able to look back on it all without a shred of regret or I wish I had done that differently.

I am deeply grateful to the version of myself who had no idea what was coming and was stretched to her furthest edges, yet still honored her way through.

It was always going to happen all at once, because that was how I would expand and find more of myself—especially in the places I had to walk alone.

The Work I Live

All of the work I do with the nervous system and bringing people back to themselves is work I do with myself.

If I had not been doing this work for years, I would not have had the capacity to hold what I was asked to carry during that time and over this past year.

It took a toll—but I had the resources to meet it. We don’t always know what we’re preparing for until it arrives.

When the Season Shifted

Hard times are still seasons.

This October, it was time to truly sit down with the grief of it all.To let it be fully felt and released.It was never meant to be carried in my body or nervous system beyond that point.

I spent most of October 2025 being with the pain that had shown up to grow me over the past year—the emotions and sensations that couldn’t be felt while I was holding everything.

Letting the Body Lead

None of the trials were fast, easy, or small.

They asked me to set a pace and stay steady over the long haul of holding what was valuable.

And when we are called to that kind of task, the body steps in and says, Let me hold the pain, grief, and fear until you’re ready.

Our bodies always have our back. They serve us.

So October became many days of crying, releasing emotion, and being with what was finally ready to be felt.

The body lets you know when enough is enough and when it’s time to let it go.

I was no longer in survival mode, and a new baseline had begun to resource me—so it was time.

Conscious Through It All

My body held it all—the fear, the pain, the grief, the sleepless nights, the physical labor, the adrenaline, the life-or-death moments—and it did exactly what it was created to do.

I didn’t just survive.I stayed conscious and in agency every step of the way.

I led with my values and came through without regret.

And still, there is a cost.

What Emerged in the Release

I spent the final quarter of 2025 giving my full attention to letting my body feel and release what it needed to.

As I did, creative solutions and resolutions emerged around lingering stressors.

Deeper friendships and connections found me.

Miracles began to occur—moments that still leave me in awe. In just three short months, I have been blessed with so many valuable gifts.

Living the Word VALUABLE

Part of why I share all of this is because when we truly get on the practice mat with life, it brings us things we never imagined. Some will bring us to our knees. Others will fill us with awe.

When I chose the word VALUABLE for 2025, I had no idea what the journey would hold. I experienced deeper joy with the precious humans in my life. I returned to traveling—one of my greatest loves. I witnessed profound transformation in the lives of my clients. I spent more time in my hometown with family this year then I have in the last half decade combined, making memories I will always treasure.

And I also held firm boundaries with systems and fought with every ounce of strength to protect what is most valuable—especially for those who could not do so for themselves. I stayed patient and steady over the long haul, without settling for less than the best possible outcome. I found generous forgiveness and compassion in the midst of betrayal.

Miracles truly are born from this place and the struggles always precede these treasures.

These are priceless gifts I will never forget.